if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
