Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
