Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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