and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
