Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
