Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
