So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
