I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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