come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
