oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
