I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
