how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
