It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
