I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
