The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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