Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
