She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
