I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
