you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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