so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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