when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just invented taco cereal.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
