I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
