If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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