I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
