My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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