So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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