I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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