Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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