Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
