I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
