I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
