So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
