I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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