Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
