how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
