Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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