The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
