So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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