My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
