No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
