i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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