A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
