i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
