you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
