at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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