Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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