a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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