All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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