i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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