She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
When are your genitals available?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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